


Where do we go from here?

by vogue91



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Confrontations, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-13
Updated: 2018-11-13
Packaged: 2019-08-23 07:02:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16614176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: He used Yuri’s body, and the younger had a feeling he wasn’t too involved, then he laid on his side of the bed and fell asleep almost immediately. So much that Yuri, at some point, had started wondering if what he wanted was to exhaust himself to manage to sleep, more than have sex with him.





	Where do we go from here?

 

Yuri had been trying for weeks.

He and Yuya got back home at night, tired from work, they had dinner quickly, barely speaking to each other, and then they got to bed and waited to fall asleep.

And it was there that Chinen tried, it was there that he got close to Yuya and slowly started kissing his neck and down his chest, then he raised his head and smiled to him, searching for an hint to tell him he could go on.

He never found it, not anymore.

Takaki kept still, insensitive to him, and Yuri found it pointless to go on and murmured a sad good night to which the elder replied automatically.

The rare times they had had sex lately, Yuri had had to appeal to all his will to come, and he hadn't always managed.

But Yuya didn’t ask anything, apparently he wasn’t wondering why things went as they were going.

He used Yuri’s body, and the younger had a feeling he wasn’t too involved, then he laid on his side of the bed and fell asleep almost immediately. So much that Yuri, at some point, had started wondering if what he wanted was to exhaust himself to manage to sleep, more than have sex with him.

But in the morning everything was just like always.

Yuri woke up a little before Yuya, he went to the kitchen to make coffee and then went back to the bedroom bringing him a cup.

And Takaki smiled and kissed his lips, and then he didn’t feel used anymore, and he convinced himself that that night everything was going to be alright.

But then it never happened, and he had gotten tired of waiting for something that might’ve not arrive.

He loved Yuya.

He loved him so much that he was afraid of taking the wrong step, say something that might’ve made them grow apart; but still, he loved himself too, and he couldn’t allow this to go on any further.

That night they played their part perfectly, and the moment the elder avoided his attentions Chinen sat up on the bad, brushing a hand through his hair.

“Can you please tell me what’s wrong, Yuya?”

Yuya sat up as well and sighed, as if aware that the moment had finally come.

“So you’ve grown tired of it in the end, Yuri?” he asked, smiling sadly, while the younger winced at the conceit behind his words.

“Did you think we would’ve kept pretending forever?” he retorted, arching an eyebrow. “Did you think I was fine beseeching every night for something that is never going to come from you?”

Yuya looked lost in thought, then he sighed again.

“It’s not about something I don’t want to give to you, Yuri. It’s something I can't feel anymore, I...” he brushed a hand over his face, exasperate. “I didn’t think it would’ve come to this, but it has, and I have no clue what to do.”

Chinen stared at him for a while trying to make sense of what he was saying, trying to understand what the problem was, ignoring the options which scared him the most.

But something kept coming to mind, something terrifying, something he had been suspected for a long time and had never dared to ask.

“So do you... do you love me less than before?” he asked, leaving room for some hope and rejecting the idea Yuya might’ve not loved him at all anymore.

“No, Yuri, I don’t love you any less. But the spark’s gone, and I don’t know how to make it come back. I wish I could say it’s just a phase, but...” Yuri stopped him, raising a hand.

“Does that mean you look at me and you feel nothing?” he murmured, his breathing heavy.

The look on Takaki’s face was enough of an answer.

He felt humiliated. He had been ready to hate Yuya, had he said he didn’t love him anymore, he had been ready to yell it wasn’t fair, that love couldn’t disappear just like that.

Not being able to arouse anything in him made him feel useless.

Now he understood the lack of attentions and that empty look on his face, how distant he had been when they had had sex.

Everything was clear.

It was something he hadn't taken into account, something far from his imagination; and something he didn’t have a solution for.

“What’s happened to us, Yuya? What’s changed? There... there must be something I can do, I'm sure that if I try I can...”

“Yuri.” the elder interrupted him, shaking his head. “It’s not your fault. You didn’t change and there’s nothing that’s going to make things as they were before. I love you, god, you know I love you but... I can't.” he murmured, frowning.

Yuri wished he could’ve been certain he could’ve changed the direction they had taken, he wished he could’ve told him it was going to pass and that there was something they could do, because loving each other was enough to go on like they had always done.

But it wasn’t enough at all and he knew it, and he wasn’t going to inflict so much pain to himself laying down every night in that bed knowing that for Yuya his body was worth just like any other man’s on earth.

“It’s over, isn't it?” he asked, his voice barely audible.

He looked at the pained look on Yuya’s face and threw himself at him, holding him and letting the elder hold him.

He didn’t want to comfort him.

He wished he could’ve hated him, tell him he didn’t want to see him ever again, hurt him if he could, just the way he felt hurt.

But he couldn’t because, he was sure of it, Yuya was feeling the same exact pain.

They were facing something bigger than them, and they knew they were going to be defeated.

They let that pain bind them, there where love hadn't been able to.


End file.
